i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
