i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
