Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
