i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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