Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
