I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
