He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
This is my gift to your gina
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
