I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
