i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
