I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
