I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
