I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
whose parrot is this?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
