Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
