i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
