You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
