i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
