I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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