In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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