The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
