First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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