I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I supernannyed him into submission
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
