life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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