In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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