thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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