Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
