I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
