People in love make me want to vomit
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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