i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
