How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
