I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
