i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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