super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
