I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
