does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
