the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
