Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Two words: nipple clamps
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