Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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