In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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