oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
