If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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