its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
last night I used snow as a chaser
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
