it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
