For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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