Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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