Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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