I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
