ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
