Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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