nut hugger
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
