I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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