you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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