At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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