I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
