youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
